Skip to main content

OCD: My Journey

It's been almost 5 years since I was diagnosed with severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It's been a long, difficult journey.

Looking at my life now, compared to the places I have been in before, so much has changed. 

There was a time when I couldn't leave my bedroom without using anti-bacterial wipes over every surface and door handle, every item I wanted to take out of my room with me, and showering. I spent hours and hours of my days carrying out rituals. Then, when I was too tired to carry out these rituals any more, I just curled up into my bed and refused to face the world. I cut myself off from my friends, and I worried my family. I remember telling my parents to put me in an institution so that I could start from scratch. I wanted to bin all of my belongings so that I had less to clean.

Using the toilet was such an ordeal for me that I wouldn't drink for days, until my urine was 100% blood. My skin bled from how much I washed it. I would hold a pen and moving my hand would cause cracks in the skin, and cuts to form.

I tried many counsellors, and they were all lovely don't get me wrong, but it took a long time to find a technique that worked for me.

I am not free of OCD, but I am free of the limitations to my life.

I still worry about spending time away from home, where I have to use the toilet and sit on chairs, step on surfaces that may not be clean. I still have the fear that I am a contaminant. I still worry that every brown stain I see is dog poo. But it doesn't control my life anymore.

I have a job, and I am able to sit in a communal office. I never imagined getting to this stage. I could never imagine my future, but now I see it and it doesn't include rituals.

I have decided to post today, because I have now been taking half my dose of Fluoxetine for two weeks. There have been a few hiccups, but I actually feel happier than when my dosage was higher. It took years before I was convinced to take any medications. Eventually I ended up with Fluoxetine and something to help combat insomnia. Without this medication, I may not have had the confidence to work with my counsellor to fight the compulsions.

This has been the most challenging thing that I have ever worked to overcome. Every day I battle with my mind, but I am very lucky to have such a strong support network. 

I can look back now at how far I have come, and feel overwhelmingly proud of myself. 

I hope that everyone can read this and take the time to understand what those around them are going through. Sometimes when someone doesn't offer to hug you, or to shake your hand, or to pick something up off the floor that you have dropped, it isn't because they are trying to be rude or offend you. Opening doors is still something I find difficult, and I can't remember the last time I touched the floor! But now I can say this to people and not feel ashamed that I struggle with my mental health. We all do at some point.

Take care of each other.

Image result for mental health ocd


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

CLEAR, BEAUTIFUL SKIN: Aloe vera juice

I suffer with extremely oily, spot prone skin. I have tried absolutely everything to clear this up - even medication. The only thing which I have found to work is aloe vera juice.

Aloe vera can be externally applied to the skin, and many people swear by this. However, I have found that external skin products do very little in way of significantly clearing my skin, albeit they are great at spot prevention and reducing oily skin.

There are many benefits to internally taking aloe vera. Studies have shown that it has positive effects on the digestive system - going as far as to suggest it enables the repair of stomach ulcers(!). 

Aloe vera is also full of many vitamins and minerals, which in terms of beauty can actually aid hair growth! Strong and healthy hair is less likely to break, so will grow to be longer and more luscious. 

The anti-bacterial, anti-fungal and anti-viral components of aloe vera juice allegedly rid the immune system of toxins and have anti-inflammatory effects (leading to…

Living with OCD and its stereotype

I'm not an organised person. I'm not tidy. I'm definitely not neat. I don't "feel uncomfortable" when a picture is hanging at an angle. So.. I can't "be OCD" right?

The truth is, even if all of those things were true, it doesn't equate to obsessive compulsive disorder.

OCD has become a term that's thrown around so often these days, I thought I'd share the truth behind the disorder. 
For starters, OCD is not an adjective. A person cannot "be a bit OCD" - a person can have obsessive compulsive disorder.
OCD is not the same as perfectionism, or being organised and neat, and it is not restricted to a fear of contamination. 
Quite simply - and pretty literally - OCD is the process of having obsessive, intrusive, upsetting thoughts which cause deep anxiety and carrying out 'compulsions' in order to relieve this anxiety and stress.
Whilst a lot of people who have OCD hand wash excessively this is not the only type of compulsion …